I am miserable.

When I think of my future, I see nothing. All my life I have never convinced myself that I am not alone. Many things I have to go through without the help of anyone. Many things I have yet to learn just because I am no human to absorb one. I am less of a person for I look nothing but a mess. As much as I want to be optimistic everyday that this is just a part I must be strong and believed that tomorrow will bring me hope, I couldn’t. Will my life be a non-ending drama? It’s not even fair that everyday I must accumulate all these problems and never reached a resolution, happiness.
When I say happiness, I say stability, I say consistency. But what a boring life to have things repeated everyday of your life. I don’t want to be miserable all my life, for these prayers just for once be heard by the powerful man up there.
Place where I could feel the presence of the life, an existing human creature. I just want to put a smile on my face when I’m thinking about my future. I want to experience the things that everyone must go through and not be stuck in the four corners of our house for the rest of my life.
I may sound selfish and rubbish that I am thinking of myself only. But just for once I want to feel like the life that I’m breathing in right now won’t be a waste. Waste I could accept synonymous with how I grew up.
I’d like to say I am the most miserable man in the world but I never doubt that He is there looking up there in everything that I does. He may be rewarding those who deserves his attention, but I’ll wait forever for Him to see me, a better me.