Blogging makes no sense if no one dares to criticize your articles. As a struggling writer who would have wanted to be famous, be applauded on what you’re doing, writing what you believe is true and stands for it no matter what. If anyone ones wants change writing is one of the several ways to do that, it may sound very disturbing but writing is the oldest form of democracy, of art.
Ever since I never dreamt of being a writer, I never did excel in English or in academics or whatsoever to compete with several writers around the globe, majority of them did excel or somewhat a genius in their school days. I maybe be reluctant at first but then I just realized if this is what I want in life, then why don’t give a shot anyways I still have choice if ever I wont be an effective one or a good one. As much as I want o believe that I could actually be big in this field, there are still key points I want to keep in mind, there are no easy thing to be big in this field I should be the one working my butt up if I really want this bad.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
I am miserable.
When I think of my future, I see nothing. All my life I have never convinced myself that I am not alone. Many things I have to go through without the help of anyone. Many things I have yet to learn just because I am no human to absorb one. I am less of a person for I look nothing but a mess. As much as I want to be optimistic everyday that this is just a part I must be strong and believed that tomorrow will bring me hope, I couldn’t. Will my life be a non-ending drama? It’s not even fair that everyday I must accumulate all these problems and never reached a resolution, happiness.
When I say happiness, I say stability, I say consistency. But what a boring life to have things repeated everyday of your life. I don’t want to be miserable all my life, for these prayers just for once be heard by the powerful man up there.
Place where I could feel the presence of the life, an existing human creature. I just want to put a smile on my face when I’m thinking about my future. I want to experience the things that everyone must go through and not be stuck in the four corners of our house for the rest of my life.
I may sound selfish and rubbish that I am thinking of myself only. But just for once I want to feel like the life that I’m breathing in right now won’t be a waste. Waste I could accept synonymous with how I grew up.
I’d like to say I am the most miserable man in the world but I never doubt that He is there looking up there in everything that I does. He may be rewarding those who deserves his attention, but I’ll wait forever for Him to see me, a better me.
When I say happiness, I say stability, I say consistency. But what a boring life to have things repeated everyday of your life. I don’t want to be miserable all my life, for these prayers just for once be heard by the powerful man up there.
Place where I could feel the presence of the life, an existing human creature. I just want to put a smile on my face when I’m thinking about my future. I want to experience the things that everyone must go through and not be stuck in the four corners of our house for the rest of my life.
I may sound selfish and rubbish that I am thinking of myself only. But just for once I want to feel like the life that I’m breathing in right now won’t be a waste. Waste I could accept synonymous with how I grew up.
I’d like to say I am the most miserable man in the world but I never doubt that He is there looking up there in everything that I does. He may be rewarding those who deserves his attention, but I’ll wait forever for Him to see me, a better me.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
RED CARPET UNIVERSITY
Groundwork built with excellence, pride and reputation delineate what makes a man believe laudable. After high school who would’ve wanted not to enroll in an exclusive school? A golden ticket school could give you after graduating? A golden advantage to owe you a place in your most desired position and aspirations?
I used to be so much in a perplexed world when I was in my senior year in high school. I was so terrified to choose a course that will suit my potential, where I can excel. I was never certain of what to choose, where to go to, and where to start. I can’t do anything at that time; I was just a damn average senior student! Though I have few in my mind, I was so reluctant and pressured if I’ll do well or I’ll fail in the end.
One of the factors that I deem the most is, are we financially capable of sending me to a good school like my older sister and brother? And the sad part is we’re not. My family invested so much from my older siblings so I have to suffer or yet be in to a non-exclusive school n the country. I easily accepted the fact and moved on to the next vital factor, choosing the right course. Almost half of my batch mates are so persevered to take up nursing, the most in-demand course, so I go with the flow not thinking of consequences, the mere fact that out of the subjects that I took up in high school science is somehow my waterloo. I am no good in memorizing; I excel in math, chemistry and English. But, I still took up nursing in a state college in the south.
My first few days in college we’re a rollercoaster ride, everybody seemed to be different. Everybody shares lots of desire in finishing the course with excellence, and me? I don’t even think of that, all that is in my mind was just to pass like I used to during high school days. But all of a sudden everything turned out to be wrong. My insecurities just made me feel so awful and ignorant. Just the fact that everybody is getting high grades, I am not. They made me feel that I don’t belong, I am no genius like them is what I’m always saying. Tons of excuses never did a step to make the obstacle as a challenge for me to get the same, to grow.
The first two semesters, I must say was no good compare to the performance than others. I consider myself as the most ignorant out of the entire batch, a crap. At that time I almost give up but my parent is not considering the fact, if I don’t excel in my course, why force myself to like it? All I’m thinking at that time why not give it a shot anyways if I finish I have a future ahead of me. But, the most tragic event happened; I fail in my major subject. Things just suddenly brought to my mind, the humiliation to my peers; do I have the face on facing them after that? Am I still worthy to the spot that I’ve got out of thousand who wished to be in my shoes? Where will I go after that if we don’t have resources to send me into another nursing school that pays 10x compare to my school? Will I finally have the courage to hold the title as the black sheep of the family? So I chose to stop to escape from humiliation, I chose to stop and I also thought it would benefit my family also, financially.
I used to be so much in a perplexed world when I was in my senior year in high school. I was so terrified to choose a course that will suit my potential, where I can excel. I was never certain of what to choose, where to go to, and where to start. I can’t do anything at that time; I was just a damn average senior student! Though I have few in my mind, I was so reluctant and pressured if I’ll do well or I’ll fail in the end.
One of the factors that I deem the most is, are we financially capable of sending me to a good school like my older sister and brother? And the sad part is we’re not. My family invested so much from my older siblings so I have to suffer or yet be in to a non-exclusive school n the country. I easily accepted the fact and moved on to the next vital factor, choosing the right course. Almost half of my batch mates are so persevered to take up nursing, the most in-demand course, so I go with the flow not thinking of consequences, the mere fact that out of the subjects that I took up in high school science is somehow my waterloo. I am no good in memorizing; I excel in math, chemistry and English. But, I still took up nursing in a state college in the south.
My first few days in college we’re a rollercoaster ride, everybody seemed to be different. Everybody shares lots of desire in finishing the course with excellence, and me? I don’t even think of that, all that is in my mind was just to pass like I used to during high school days. But all of a sudden everything turned out to be wrong. My insecurities just made me feel so awful and ignorant. Just the fact that everybody is getting high grades, I am not. They made me feel that I don’t belong, I am no genius like them is what I’m always saying. Tons of excuses never did a step to make the obstacle as a challenge for me to get the same, to grow.
The first two semesters, I must say was no good compare to the performance than others. I consider myself as the most ignorant out of the entire batch, a crap. At that time I almost give up but my parent is not considering the fact, if I don’t excel in my course, why force myself to like it? All I’m thinking at that time why not give it a shot anyways if I finish I have a future ahead of me. But, the most tragic event happened; I fail in my major subject. Things just suddenly brought to my mind, the humiliation to my peers; do I have the face on facing them after that? Am I still worthy to the spot that I’ve got out of thousand who wished to be in my shoes? Where will I go after that if we don’t have resources to send me into another nursing school that pays 10x compare to my school? Will I finally have the courage to hold the title as the black sheep of the family? So I chose to stop to escape from humiliation, I chose to stop and I also thought it would benefit my family also, financially.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
20 going on 21.
I've been tyring soul searching for almost 20 years now, and so far I do not have any idea yet who am i still totally. They say as you get older you tend to appreciate the things around you and start to keep all the important persons in your life. But, considering the fact that life seemed to be so changing at all times i don't consider things to be permanent or simply stated on my mind on what comes around goes around. I've tried as much as i could to socialize but still one fact still lingers on my mind, the fact that i am "DIFFERENT". Different in a way that there are certain thing that they can do and i can't. But i am not letting myself be in one corner and be alone i Let all my insecurities behind and think of a bt
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
MY POETIC SIDE:
TODAY
All I seem to be unclear is yet to be realized
I never thought that a person could actually be a destiny
We always draw destiny to love
But we never realized,
Every people around us is destined for us
In one way or another,
He may touch our lives,
She may build a difference,
Be thankful to our Creator
For He chooses what’s best for us
Though choosing is one of the greatest authority we encompasses
Sometimes, there still gone astray in choosing
But to broaden of what could perhaps go wide of the mark.
Big fat confession
Shrouded by a great stout suit
A being without a doubt existing
Finding a space where he could be undersized
Where there will be no
Eyes that could be conscious
Ears that could hear big steps
Nose that knows no whiff
A gigantic world yet small is a measurement of beauty.
Entrance
Body painted of Gold dust beginning
Smoked Soaked through the veins
Totally Engraved fashioned name
Embossed with superficial sheets of skin
Greetings of no valuable cost
Stepped marbles of filled creation
Build by executives of trashed honor
Formulated shadow Perspective gathered
Linked permission to penetrate
Sparkling dust light covered
Shallow movements of greatness
Toned muscle of uncertain future
All I seem to be unclear is yet to be realized
I never thought that a person could actually be a destiny
We always draw destiny to love
But we never realized,
Every people around us is destined for us
In one way or another,
He may touch our lives,
She may build a difference,
Be thankful to our Creator
For He chooses what’s best for us
Though choosing is one of the greatest authority we encompasses
Sometimes, there still gone astray in choosing
But to broaden of what could perhaps go wide of the mark.
Big fat confession
Shrouded by a great stout suit
A being without a doubt existing
Finding a space where he could be undersized
Where there will be no
Eyes that could be conscious
Ears that could hear big steps
Nose that knows no whiff
A gigantic world yet small is a measurement of beauty.
Entrance
Body painted of Gold dust beginning
Smoked Soaked through the veins
Totally Engraved fashioned name
Embossed with superficial sheets of skin
Greetings of no valuable cost
Stepped marbles of filled creation
Build by executives of trashed honor
Formulated shadow Perspective gathered
Linked permission to penetrate
Sparkling dust light covered
Shallow movements of greatness
Toned muscle of uncertain future
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